Recovering Eurydice (A Concert Recording || February 17, 2021)

by ellen cherry

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1.
Maybe 04:04
Maybe I could spend two years feeling sorry for myself. Maybe I could shift the blame to someone else. Maybe I could give my love away. I’d give it all for free. Maybe I’ll forget again to save some of it for me. First, I filled my own two hands, with all my lonely tears. Then, I dug a canyon and filled it up with years. After all that time, the only thing I learned Was how to set a love on fire and how to watch it burn. Close your eyes. Take my hands. Hear these words. Understand. It’s no lie: there’s no plan. Fly like birds, ‘cause we can. Maybe you were wondering, or maybe you might know, How hard it was for me to stay; how hard it was to go. Remember when you said nothing? It came so easily. Maybe you had changed the locks. Maybe I lost my key. Close your eyes. Take my hands. Hear these words. Understand. It’s no lie: there’s no plan. Fly like birds, ‘cause we can. Maybe I could think your thoughts. Then I worry you’d be right. Maybe I could think all day and straight on through the night. Maybe I could spend two years, never standing still. Maybe you’ll forgive me soon. Maybe you never will.
2.
I am as bitter and as weary and as wasted as day old coffee in a cup I am as close as I can be Not close enough As dull as diamond in the rough As blank as a poker player’s bluff As drowned as a drop of water in a summer flood As stretched as a string about to snap As hard as a hand about to slap As brittle as a bone about to break As distant as a dreamer when they wake I remember when we built that wall We drew a line from here to there We made it strong and tall A year to make it long A year to make it wide A year for you to climb to the other side I remember when we built that wall As scarred as a tattoo on your skin As hushed as a secret or a sin As sharp as a candle when it burns As lonely as a lesson when it’s learned As hazy as a memory when it fades As heavy as the promise that I made I held my heart out like a stone As silent as a word we didn’t speak Now we’re strangers when we meet These are the things I wish I’d known I am as bitter and as weary and as wasted as day old coffee in a cup I am as close as I can be Not close enough I am as close as I can be Not close enough
3.
One Spark 01:36
Pain pain, go away Come again, no other day. Same same, it’s all the same I don’t know no other way. Flames, flames, it burns down. All the dreams die in this town. One word, make your mark. All you need is just one spark. One spark One spark Find your way out of the dark. One spark One spark Find your way out of the dark. Tear stain, on my face You can see I can’t erase. Hold hands, hold space, Go I now but for the grace. Pray, pray keep us here, Safe inside our atmosphere. Hey! You, there in the dark: All you need is just one spark. One spark One spark Find your way out of the dark. One spark One spark Find my way out of the dark.
4.
A tiny spark in a machine Helps me glide straight towards a dream See the world before it disappears A moving part, interlocked Breaking glass and a ticking clock A universe grinding at its gears I wind it back as far as I can A simple truth, in a worker’s hands Cradled me in chaos Saved me from the dark I may never know you I love your beating heart. A golden thread, sewn through time Made our lives so intertwined Stardust melted into steel In ‘45, we dropped our bombs And now it seems, we get along Who am I to break that wheel? It takes so long to find the proof To wind it back to a simple truth You cradled me in chaos saved me from the dark I may never know you, I wind it back to understand A simple truth, in a worker’s hands Cradled me in chaos saved me from the dark I may never know you, I love your beating heart. I may never know you, I love your beating heart. I may never know you, I love your beating heart.
5.
I lost you When you wandered off the trail And I know I tried to find you and I know I failed To see the broken branches And other clues you left On the path we walked together In the places that we slept Now that’s what I regret There is no cause to worry No, there is no need to cry I have told you many stories Some of them are lies To sing you something sweetly That you might not want to hear And I could burn like wildfire I could be the smoke that clears Or I could simply disappear I will dress in black and grey I will put my hair in pins And I will fix all the games So that everyone will win All the love that they are seeking Or the riches that they need Then I will fill my coat with stones And wander out to sea Wouldn’t that feel so free? To sink to the ocean’s floor And let the surface go To have no more of wondering To be with those who know To stare up at the star One last and brilliant time To use a final breath To sing a lovely rhyme: I knew my life was mine.
6.
I have no place for my sadness It no longer fits in a box I’m sorry to say, even though it’s been told It cracked the code and and picked the locks I have no place for my sadness It somehow got smarter than me And the tricks that it learned made it brave and bold It broke the leash and set itself free I have no place for my sadness So my sadness abandoned me. No way to curb my longing As slippery as a black snake It twists and it turns for these hours on end A fever dream that refuses to wake No way to curb my longing A failure of chromosomes Or a dog at the door again and again My longing finds its way home No way to curb my longing So my longing won’t leave me alone This is no complaint I’m praying to the Saints and Sinners all around I’m star crossed Sitting cross-legged on the ground I haven’t the practice of reason The reason is silly it seems I suppose that it’s true, upon further review I’d dash logic for sake of my dreams. I haven’t the practice of reason So! I’m not building a road. I’m the water that falls in the dam that won’t hold I’m the river that overflowed. I haven’t the practice of reason I already know what I don’t want to know There is some regret I have torn my safety net And ripped my parachute I am flawed Perfectly so, possibly just like you This is no request No ordinary test Of strength and character I’m not lost I’m on a permanent detour
7.
Blue Angel 04:08
Blue angel in the corner of my room Will you bring me a sweet dream or just more bad news? You can see why I’m so confused. Blue angel, in the corner of my room New danger when I close my eyes Will I fall apart or just out of line? It’s not so bad to be so blind New danger, when I close my eyes Sweet stranger Please don’t lie Am I you or are you I? I’ll never know and that’s no surprise Sweet stranger: please don’t lie Blue angel, what have you got to lose? Can we sing a sad song just like we used to do. It feels so good to feel so used Blue angel, in the corner of my room
8.
Eurydice 03:34
I’ve been hanging on in the bottom of Hell By the skin of these pretty white teeth and a fingernail. Is that a cavern wall, the stairs to heaven, or a wishing well? If you were looking through these tired eyes, you could hardly tell. I heard a promise and I made one to myself. Oh well. I sang a long sad note with each step down. Just in case you had the time to follow me around. I crossed the river, passed the Dog, onto hallowed ground. When I turned the walls had swallowed all my sounds. I begged the muse to stay but I see she had flown. I should have known. I made a choice to shut my mouth And send my hopes by first class post to the Underground. I poisoned roots, sewed the seeds of doubt; I stopped the rain and sparked a fire that I thought I could keep a flame. I crushed the bones of lies I’ve told under my feet but I couldn’t speak I said it once there is no reason to repeat I’ve been hanging on in the bottom of Hell By the skin of these pretty white teeth and a fingernail. I write it down, you eat it up, we get along What were we thinking of? I write it down, you eat it up, we get along We called it love

about

This is a live recording from online concert called "Recovering Eurydice" that premiered on February 17, 2021. I created this concert as a celebration and honoring of the 8th anniversary of a car crash that changed the course of my life. I hope you enjoy it!

You will hear other sounds in this recording because it was recorded in only one or two takes over a few hours, inside my home, during a global pandemic.

The concert was available for streaming from February-April 2021 and will be released again at some TBD. Andrew Grimm recorded the sounds and Blonnie Brooks and David Mielcarek of WAGS Media, created the video.

credits

released April 23, 2021

All songs written and composed by ellen cherry/Kristin Putchinski
Audio recording by Andrew Grimm

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about

ellen cherry Baltimore, Maryland

I am song & story Alchemist and I want to meet you at the intersection of creativity and recovery. While on tour in Texas, I was struck by an intoxicated driver which resulted in a violent wreck. Through my music and multi-media performances, I explore the pain and joy of recovering one’s body and spirit after extreme trauma. ... more

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